Whenever you bring together people with unique experiences and opinions there are bound to be times when people disagree on things.  It is a good thing to have YAB members with different, unique perspectives & opinions. This is part of why we strive to recruit people from diverse backgrounds and identities.

 However, it is not okay to have members, facilitators, or presenters:

• Dismiss another member’s ideas, suggestions, or experiences
• Disrespect another member, facilitator, or presenter
• Hurt another member’s feelings

To prevent this as much as possible, be sure YAB members are walked through the comfort clause and these ground rules are consistently revisited.

For example- At our YAB, the comfort clause is included in the beginning slides of every YAB presentation to remind everyone of the shared expectations and behaviors we all agreed to follow. This can include an “Ouch & Oops Clause.”

What is the Ouch & Oops clause and how can it help with conflict resolution?

• Oops – If you or a member realize they said something hurtful or insensitive, say “Oops” and sincerely apologize
• Ouch – If someone else says something hurtful or insensitive to you (or a member), say “Ouch” to bring awareness to it
• Responding to an Ouch
  • Acknowledge that what you said hurt someone else’s feelings
  • If you aren’t sure why what you said was hurtful, ask
  • Apologize sincerely to the person for your actions

The “Oops & Ouch” clause encourages people to speak up when their feelings are hurt, and enables those who caused harm to learn, take accountability, apologize, and change their future behavior. Intention ≠ Impact. This rule for YAB meetings encourages members to feel supported in speaking up when they are hurt and models how to take accountability when we mess up.

Some members might not feel comfortable speaking up in the moment or are unsure whether they want the behavior to be addressed. A good rule of thumb for members is having a 72-hour rule (or other time limit).

• If after 72 hours something is still bothering you, you should bring it up
• YAB members should reach out to a facilitator with their concern
• Facilitators should brainstorm with the member privately on how they’d like to address this (e.g., say something at the beginning of the next meeting, speak up if it happens again)

Ultimately it is the responsibility of the meeting facilitators to ensure the YAB meetings are professional, supportive, respectful, and productive. If a YAB member repeatedly acts in way that is harmful to other YAB members we recommend that you:

• Set up a private meeting with the YAB member or reach out via private email
• Explain why their behavior is harmful or disruptive to the YAB and against your code of conduct
• Ask them if there is a reason behind their actions, such as unmet needs or outside stressors
• Give them an opportunity to acknowledge their actions and take accountability
• Decide how to move forward based on their response (e.g., a trial period to see if they can adhere to rules, removing them from the YAB)